To Love or to Hate
by AllIWannaDo
Summary: Was there ever a time before James Potter loved Lily Evans? When, in his heart of hearts, he may have even hated her? Or is hate nothing but an example of misguided love? [oneshot]


Lily Evans was a prude.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Always strutting about the castle with her nose pointed heavenward, a pile of textbooks clutched firmly at her chest, hoping to catch someone (particularly a certain James Potter) in the act of breaking the rules, giving her the leeway to start handing out detentions with the aura of a kindly old woman handing out treats on Halloween. It was almost unnatural, how much she enjoyed seeing others suffer. Well, how much she enjoyed seeing James suffer, anyway. What was she playing at? If she truly hated him as much as she claimed she did, if at the end of the day she thought him nothing more than an "arrogant, bullying toe rag," why didn't she just do them both a favor and simply ignore his presence? Why in hell's name _did_ she care what mischief he got himself into? Wouldn't it just prove her point that he was no good? Honestly. You'd think she'd have realized by that it was useless to try to discourage a marauder.

But then, Lily Evans was never one to relish in the notion that students were off having a bit of fun when they could be doing something more worthwhile, like studying for exams.

James would have even gone so far as to say that the instant she entered a room, it felt as if all of the fun was being unceremoniously sucked out of it, like the air from a plump red balloon. No more smiling. No more laughing. No more _breathing_. Was she half-dementor? Because there had to be a supernatural reason as to why she hardly ever looked cheerful. Why just the thought of her gave him the odd sensation that his heart was being squeezed tightly, until it shrank into nothingness, into hopelessness…

So then why, you ask, did he insist on asking her out every hour of every day?

Simple. Because she was the unattainable, the one girl he was forbidden to touch, and James Potter didn't do well with being told he couldn't have something. Especially not when the girl in question had no right to reject him in the first place. Half the female population at Hogwarts would've given anything to be in her shoes (the other half of which was too hung up on his best mate, Sirius, to pay any mind to his ongoing quest to win over Lily Evans), never again having to vie for his affections, just having him all to themselves. What made _her_ so special? He was doing her a favor by asking her out. Really. After all, no one else seemed to be jumping at the chance to spend extra time with her, save the few brave souls who dared befriend her. (But then again, Gryffindors were known for being fearless, were they not?)

Still, he had to admit: she was extremely pretty. Wicked smart, too, James couldn't help noticing. The opportunity to show him up was never lost on her, whether it be in front of an audience, or behind closed doors. He loved to watch her viciously tear him apart, piece by piece, cheeks pink with anger and eyes dancing with a fire that rivaled that of her flaming red hair. Sometimes, in the deadly silence that marked the end of one of their rows, when both parties were content with the biting remarks they had thrown at each other, James got the sense that she was urging him forward, daring him to walk the line that if crossed, would send her over the edge. Arguing with her was like doing the tango. One step forward, two steps back, each partner giving and taking with respect to the other's limits. Charged with underlying chemistry, emotions running high, but not enough to make a lasting connection. _No._ Never enough to _matter._

One could search far and wide and never find another like Lily Evans...

"_EVANS! Oy! C'mon, Evans, don't be like that!" _

"_For the last time, Potter, I will not go out with you!"_

"_But what if -?"_

"_No!"_

"_How about if – ?"_

"_No!"_

"_But couldn't we - ?"_

"_POTTER!"_

_SLAP!_

God he _hated_ her.

God he _loved_ her.

**A/N: What can I say? Not my best work, perhaps, but definitely worth _feeling._ I would appreciate it so much if you would review, even if all you do is flame at me, because this is as close to my heart as you can get. And, like it or not, there is more to come. ) Oh yes: Good things come to those who R&R...**


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